It’s one of the subjects that we go all through when planning a big event like a wedding. As soon as the ring is on the finger and the date set, we become so obsessed about everything to do with the wedding that we sometimes neglect the most important thing and that is “our relationship”. As a wedding planner, I like to use this motto when working with my brides…..”we take care of the wedding” and “you take care of your marriage”!
You never expected the downside: glaring at each other in bridal registry departments, screaming matches over the wedding guest list. The engagement period can be a minefield of hot topics that can trigger huge blowouts sometimes a seating plan is not just a seating plan.
At the end of the day it isn’t about the wedding as such you should worry about, it’s the marriage that is really important! Below is a list of the most common prewedding blowouts and how to resolve them.
“His family’s guest list is getting longer and longer every day, and they’re not even chipping in for the wedding.”
This argument can sometimes be “a prototype for future financial dealings.” The best advice would be to discuss things rationally and be business like with your approach. You could also suggest the breakdown of both families costings and ask the question: “What can we do to limit the cost and will/can your family chip in?” Sometimes a less invasive approach can be the way to go.Throughout this process there maybe some underlying issues so be on the lookout for conflicts like these as the respective partner may have a greater sense of obligation to their parents that the wedding be a certain way. It’s a good way to try and find that balance of “fairness & balance” without offending anyone.
“He doesn’t even seem to care about the colour of the table linens”
You could be expecting too much: He’s a guy after all! Most men are clueless when it comes to design and decor.” This doesn’t mean that you should give up on including him, however. “Find out what he is interested in and encourage him to participate in that part.
You’re spending loads of money on your dress and your groom would like to spend some of that cash on the honeymoon.
The problem here is that this problem is fairly one sided, and really “what entitles you to spend huge amounts of money on the wedding dress,anyway? This needs to be an equitable deal. At least the honeymoon is something you’ll both enjoy. Sit down with him, like two adults, and work out the finances of the wedding together.”
“Why isn’t he making an effort to understand my tradition/religion?”
If handled calmly and sensitively, a discussion like this can be an opportunity to get to know yourself and your partner better just by getting clear about what these traditions mean and say about each other.
He wants dark green ink on the invitation; you want pale green. He wants candles on the tables; you think they look silly.
Both of you need to share the power and decision-making regarding wedding plans. Decide on priorities by having each person rate on a scale of one to ten the importance of each detail. Remember, it’s good practice to learn early on how to prioritise, negotiate, and compromise. These skills will come in very handy later on.
He says, “Who is this detail-obsessed, wedding-magazine-reading woman and where is the girl who used to sit with me watching the footy?”
Your guy may have a point. “If the wedding has become more important than your relationship, that’s a warning sign. Yes, you want a lovely wedding, but not at the expense of your relationship. After all, what’s the point? Keep your future in mind.”